No Way Out
by Miyoue56
Summary: Jane receives a phone call from Carter that leaves her with difficult choices to make. Spoilers: everything up to 1.07 Now Complete!
1. Chapter 1

She had thought things could not get any worse. After all, she did wake up naked, afraid and amnesiac in the middle of time square, only to be scanned and questioned by the FBI. And at first she was met Kurt Weller, whose name, she learned, was tattooed on her back, and even though she did not recognize him, she did not feel as scared anymore. She didn't really know why but she trusted him.

She was given a name like you would give a newborn or a pet, so she became Jane. She also became part of the team, thanks to the skills her body remembered even though her mind didn't. She struggled with every little thing, from choosing what to eat, to finding a rhythm with her teammates.

And then she learnt about Taylor. She saw the way Kurt talked about her, the guilt of a lifetime, the hope too, the relief even. If only she could have remembered! Oh how she wanted to know, in her bones, that she was Taylor, the way she knew she could handle a gun. But no, she had no such feelings.

She only knew her heart rate was going off the charts when Kurt looked at her like she was the most precious thing in his world, and that she craved his touch even though she flinched when others only brushed by her.

So no, things had not gotten worse, yet. But they got more confusing.

She tried to take a step back, but it only made her realise how lonely she was. With the situation changing so quickly, she felt lost at sea. Even time she tried to come up and breath, another wave came upon her.

The last wave to come had a name: Carter. And this time she wasn't sure she wouldn't drown.

* * *

She hadn't even heard about Daylight when he came to her, another thing the FBI didn't think she needed to know.

After they came back with Guerrero, she felt better. Kurt had smiled at her on the plane and this time she hadn't asked herself if he was smiling at Taylor, she had just enjoyed it.

She went back to the safe house and decided to take a shower, when she came out, Carter was waiting for her.

He seemed relaxed, sitting on her couch, and started talking when he saw her.

"No need to scream, I just need to talk to you for a second. "

Jane thought she'd had no intention to scream, she couldn't say the same for kicking the guy though, especially since she really wanted to wipe that little smirk off his face. But he was armed when she just had a towel on, so letting him talk would buy her some time.

"I hear you found Guerrero... Impressive! I am afraid, it's going to cause some problems though. "

"Problems for you, I presume? "

"My dear Jane, you will soon learn my problems are going to become your problems. And, that's why you are going to help me."

Jane was losing patience with this guy. First he was intruding, now he was very close to threatening her, she wanted him gone.

"Hum, I don't think so. Now get out before I make you leave. Since you seem to have read my file, I am sure you that you know it would not be a pleasant experience for you. "

She turned back to the bedroom, closed the door and got dressed. When she walked back into the living room, he was at the door.

"You're still here? "

" Oh I'm leaving, but I left you something you should read. We'll talk later. "

Jane looked at the coffee table. There was a file on it. Then she heard the door shut, Carter was gone.

Talk about a safe house!

* * *

She had told herself she wouldn't read it. She sat here, stared at the file for a while, but who was she kidding? With so little information about anything in her life, if she was certain of something, it was that she could not resist the need to know.

It was a file about something called Daylight. Sheets and sheets of paper she could not really make any sense of, at first. There were dates and names though and one in particular she recognized: Mayfair.

Carter's name was nowhere to be found.

She had a bad feeling about this. This was not good. Not good at all.

This file said Daylight was an FBI sanctioned operation, where agents including Mayfair, had manipulated known criminals (one of them Guerrero) to have people murdered.

Mayfair, the file said, had sent undercover operatives with information she had fabricated to infiltrate the cartel and wait for the results.

Some of the murders concerned rival criminals but others were more difficult to understand.. Until she saw bank accounts. Apparently some people had gotten very rich with these murders...

If word got out about this, it would mean a scandal like no other, Mayfair going to trial and probably to jail. There were many names on these documents, most of which she didn't recognize, but some she had heard on TV, this was huge!

But something still didn't fit, why did Carter think she would do anything to help him? Did he think she would want to help Mayfair escape justice?

She was still musing when the phone rang, no caller ID. She had a feeling some of her questions would find answers.

" So, Jane, read anything interesting lately? " Carter asked.

Jane didn't feel the need to answer that.

"Oh come on Jane!" he laughed!

"Well, suit yourself, I'll go straight to business. I want you to leave the FBI, and come to me, at the CIA. "

This time, Jane did laugh! Out loud! Where did that guy come from? Really?

"And why the hell would I do that? Because Mayfair might be dirty? Then they will assign someone else to my case, if that's true, and I am not ready to believe anything written in that file until it's proven. "

"Oh Jane, Jane, Jane. It is true, but that's not why you're going to come to me. You're going to do as I say, because if you don't, I'll add documents in that file, that will say Agent Weller was also a part of it. In fact, I'll make it look like he's known everything from the start. He's worked with Mayfair for a long time you know. It will be very believable. And if there is something CIA is good at, it's fabricating evidence!

And well, with the scandal that will happen, even if they could prove it's not true, his career will be over. Such a shame... He's a brilliant agent, people are already talking about him becoming director you know... "

And that's when things got worse.


	2. Chapter 2

"I know you think I am the bad guy right now, but really, Jane, once you'll have taken some time to think about it, you'll realise it's also in your best interest to come to the CIA."

" Yes, I am sure you only want what's best for me, Carter. "

" By now you realise Guerrero is going to talk about the murders, questions will have to be answered and it's going to be chaos. One of two things will happen, either the FBI is going to throw Mayfair under the bus, or they are going to try and cover everything up. One thing is sure, they're going to be way too busy to care about the tattooed lady for awhile!

CIA has better resources anyway, we could have analysts by the dozen where you only have Patterson and her boyfriend working on decoding everything!

Really, it's ridiculous!

The only reason you ended at the FBI was the fucking tag on the bag! What if that had said call the animal shelter for Christ sake! "

Jane had heard enough, this guy was crazy!

"I work with the FBI because someone tattooed it on my body, not Tom Carter CIA! "

"Yeah, yeah, someone wanted Weller to identify you as Taylor Shaw. What a sap story! little boy lost his girlfriend, became an agent and found her again after 25 years... Sooooo moving, I'm feeling the tears coming up, is he going to write a book about it?

That tattoo worked so well, he doesn't even care you might not be Taylor Shaw. He cares more about his happy ending than he does about you learning the truth about yourself. "

Jane's heart skipped a beat, that thought had crossed her mind before, but the DNA proved she was Taylor Shaw, even if she didn't remember her past.

At that moment she wanted to hang up the phone. She wanted to forget about Carter, about Guerrero, but she had to ask the question :

" What do you mean I might not be Taylor Shaw? DNA proved it, Three times! "

"Yes and the Isotope test contradicted that. "

"What are you talking about? "

* * *

Carter didn't answer right away. It was almost like she could hear him thinking at the other end of the line. He had not anticipated her question.

As for herself, the bad feeling she had had earlier had transformed in panic now. Everyone seemed to know more than herself, everyone had answers where she only ever had questions.

Only hours ago she had sat on a plane explaining to Weller that she was calmer when in control, and now it seemed like she could never have control over anything!

Carter answered at last:

"Patterson had a test performed on one of your teeth. It determined you were born in sub Saharan Africa, meaning you could not have been Weller's neighbour.

I admit I was surprised that they didn't tell you, but now that I think about it, it only proves my earlier point.

Anyway, this is going to make things even easier for us.

I am going to tell you now what you're going to do tomorrow.

You're going to get up, get dressed and go to the FBI as usual. And then you are going to go see Patterson, you'll have her explain the Isotope to you, because let's face it, you're not going to take my word for it. And once you have your confirmation, you'll go see Mayfair.

You will tell her that you need the rest of the day and come back to the safe house.

Pack whatever you want to keep, because a car will come pick you up and you won't ever come back here.

What you won't do, is talk to Weller about Daylight, or you leaving. In fact, don't talk to him at all! It will be easier for everyone. If you are not in the car tomorrow, I'll send the file, including the pieces about Weller to every newspaper in town. I am sure someone will be interested.

Once you have your place with the CIA, I will contact Mayfair to tell her you are with us. After all, we wouldn't want anyone to worry about you!

Now, go to sleep Jane, you have plenty to do tomorrow. "

He didn't wait for her to say anything, he just hung up. And Jane was left staring at the phone.

She was back to square one again: she didn't know who she was, she didn't know what to do. She didn't want to cave to Carter's demands, but on the other hand, could she stay with the FBI knowing they had kept the test from her? (oh she had no real doubts about the test, Carter had been too eager to propose she verified it)

More and more questions were piling in her mind, but in the end only one thing mattered and she knew it : she couldn't risk Carter making good on his threat. Kurt Weller didn't deserve to have his career and his life ruined because someone tattooed his name on her back. And more importantly she wouldn't be able to live with herself if that happened.

She had not lied when she had told him he was her starting point. He was the only person that really mattered in this new life of hers, and she would not let anything happen to him if she could prevent it. Even if it meant never seeing him again after tomorrow.

She sat on her bed and watched the hours go by until sunrise. She had made up her mind but it didn't mean she was happy about it.

Tomorrow, everything she was familiar with would be taken away from her. Once again.

* * *

She went to the office earlier than usual, hoping Weller, Zapata and Reade would not be there yet. If she could catch a break, Patterson would be.

One look in the mirror that morning had told her dark circles under her yes didn't suit her that well, but there wasn't really anything she could do about that now. What she didn't expect was to see the same circles under Patterson's usually smiling eyes. Apparently she was not the only one to have had a rough night. She resisted asking about it though, because really what was the point of being friendly when she was not planning on sticking around for long?

Instead, when Patterson looked up from her computer, Jane decided to just get it over with:

"Patterson, tell me about the Isotope test! "

She looked surprised then answered,

"What do you want to know? Didn't Weller explain it when he told you about it?"

Jane decided not to rectify her.

" I would just like to be sure I absolutely understand what it means, and you are the expert on the subject. So if you don't mind explaining it once more. "

Patterson nodded and starting repeating what Carter had told her on the phone. That she had taken the tooth she had lost while she had fought the man with the beard. That she'd had it tested and that the results, while undeniable, were also in total contradiction with the DNA tests about Shaw.

She then told she was sorry, that she didn't have an answer about what it meant, except that she couldn't say if she was Taylor Shaw, or not.

Patterson seemed so defeated in that moment, it seemed to Jane that she took the news harder than herself. But maybe it was because Jane had never felt sure of being Taylor. Or maybe it was because now that she had made the decision to leave, it would be easier if she weren't Taylor.

If she was just some woman born and raised in Africa, then nothing really kept her here? Yes, sure, it seemed, even to herself she was a poor liar.

Next on the list was Mayfair. It was even easier than Patterson. Apparently, with Guerrero in the building, Mayfair had a lot on her mind. So when Jane said she was feeling tired and asked if she could go back to the safe house, Mayfair didn't even raise an eyebrow. She just waved her off and told her to take as much time as she wanted.

Jane closed the door of Mayfair's office and made a beeline for the elevator. She still hadn't seen any sign of the rest of the team, time to go, and fast!

She stepped into the elevator, and released the breath she had been all along. The doors were almost closed when a hand stopped them. She looked at it but she didn't need to, she already knew who it belonged to. The rest had been way too easy, of course Kurt would stop her before she could leave.

She looked up and there he was, a frown on his face, question in his eyes.

"Hey Jane, haven't seen you today yet, are you going somewhere? "

And then he really looked at her. She saw the moment he noticed she looked like hell. Concern was all over his face. Concern for her. Who would show that kind of emotion towards her once she will have joined the CIA? No one, for sure.

" Is there a problem? Are you OK? "

"I am fine, I, hum, I had trouble sleeping last night, seems like flying really doesn't agree with me! " Jane tried to smile, but she could feel her stomach turn to knots. She needed to go before she did something stupid like start crying in front of him. He would never let her go if he saw tears in her eyes. She had no doubt about that.

"I told Mayfair, she said I could have the day off, so... "

She looked at his hand still holding the elevator doors, than at his face again. She could tell he suspected something. Kurt Weller was many things but stupid wasn't one of them.

He took a long look at her and sighed.

"You don't have to make up excuses you know. It's understandable that you would have trouble sleeping. No one expects you to be fine all the time. You shouldn't even have come this morning, no one would have thought less of you for it. You are part of our team Jane, and we have your back.

And if you want to talk about anything, you know you can call me, day or night. "

With that said, Kurt released the doors and the elevator starting going down.

It was minutes after, standing still in the elevator she had yet to get out of, that Jane realised she was still holding her breath.

Now she was sure she was Jane Doe, because Jane Doe was usually the name given to a body, not a person. That's what she would be from now on, only a body, because her heart, her soul, and everything that constituted her person had stayed with that man on the other side of these elevator doors.

She walked to the car, never looking back, tonight she would be with the CIA. Maybe they would take her to another black site, maybe she would be sent in another country, it didn't matter to Jane anymore. Nothing really mattered to Jane anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. Of course these days nothing was really right. Mayfair was hiding something, Patterson looked liked someone had killed her dog and Jane, well Jane had asked for the day off. The day off!

Yes, she had looked tired, but the woman had insisted to tag along even after a fight and with a missing tooth! Something wasn't right.

But he couldn't very well go spend the day with her, not that the idea did not appeal to him. In fact if he was being honest with himself, part of the problem was that it shouldn't appeal to him that much.

So he did what he always did when his thoughts took that path : he focused on work.

Mayfair was holed up in her office, clearly she didn't want to be bothered.

Weller decided to go see if Patterson had anything new. He had not yet opened his mouth when the blond started talking. Fast!

"Weller! You could have said something to me! I mean, you didn't have to, but I would have appreciated a heads up! Instead I was taken totally by surprise when Jane came to me this morning.

Well, it's good anyway, I hated that she didn't know about it, since it's her identity after all. Now everything is in the open so no more secrets, right?"

Kurt felt like he'd just been hit by a bus. Scared he had understood her right, he took Patterson by the shoulders, sat her on a chair so that she would stop pacing and looked her in the eyes. Then very slowly he asked :

"What the hell are you talking about? "

"Well, the Isotope test! Jane came to see me first thing this morning and asked about it, she said she wanted me to explain it to her so that she would really understand what it meant. I supposed you had told her about it, you didn't though, did you? "

"No, I didn't."

This time, it was his turn to start pacing. And apparently it was also a good moment for his heart to start beating faster than the last time he crossed a marathon finish line.

"What did she say? " he asked, already trying to come up with a way, any way to make things right. God he'd screwed up!

"Nothing much really, but i can tell you this: she was not surprised by what I told her. In fact, she didn't express much emotion at all, she listened, she thanked me and went away.

You know you should have been the one to tell her about it."

"I know. " He answered honestly, by now halfway through the door.

* * *

He attracted some stares when he started walking so fast towards the exit he was not far from sprinting. But he didn't care, he had some serious explaining to do.

He took the stairs to the parking lot, not wanting to wait for the elevator. She had seemed so small in that big elevator only one hour or so before. He had known instantly she wasn't ok, but he hadn't known yet it was his fault.

How was she feeling right now? She shouldn't be processing that information on her own. He never wanted to hurt her but it seemed he was doomed to do just that.

He got in his car and started driving. Visions of Jane, alone in the safe house she couldn't even call home, kept coming to him and he didn't like them at all.

He had not anticipated though that this was New York City and traffic was hell especially since it was still rush hour. So he would just have to suffer through it while his mind played for him all the possible ways this was a nightmare, over and over. Damn that was going to be a long ride.

* * *

Jane had gotten into the car before she realised it was not her usual security detail waiting for her. One of the two men looked at her and said "Are you done?"

She nodded, the car started moving.

A few minutes passed before she realised she didn't recognize the way to the safe house, it seemed to her they were getting further away from NY. She didn't ask about it though, she didn't care for anything at the safe house and she would know soon enough where they were taking her.

She had her answers a few hours later when the car entered an underground parking lot. She got out of the car and the two men escorted her inside the building. It was damp and grey, just perfect to fit her current mood!

Some things had changed noticeably already. Where her security detail had always been close, it had had a soothing effect, protection. Now, she felt like a prisoner. These men had orders, and she had a feeling, keeping her safe was not high on the list.

They navigated hallways for a while, until they stopped before another grey door. When it opened, Jane discovered her instincts had been spot on. She was indeed a prisoner, and that was her cell.

* * *

She was not here. Kurt didn't need to get out of the car to know that. There were no agents nearby, and beside his gut feeling had gone from silent alarm to DEFCON 1.

For the thousandth time today he wondered why nobody had thought of giving Jane a cellphone! A gun? Sure, that they had provided, but no phone. Everyone in this country had one it seemed, expect her. The agents assigned to her had one of course, but he had gone out of the office so fast this morning that he didn't even know who was supposed to be with her today.

He went to check the house. This was getting familiar in the worst way possible.

He went in, stopped on the threshold.

No sound. Nothing seemed out of place but it was usually pretty bare anyway.

Don't panic! , breathe in, breathe out. He thought to himself.

He made his way to the bedroom, flashes of another time, another bedroom, that one of a little girl. No one there also, but he had not expected her to be this time.

His hands were sweaty, he noticed, when he opened her drawer, to find it empty. And then he closed his eyes, because of the pain.

Weller thought if there had been any justice in this world, he would not have been living this again. He had looked for her for his whole life, there was just no way she was just gone again. He would not accept that.

Where was she? Had she gone on her own? Had she found a way to lose her detail? Had she gone because of the test? Or did someone take her? Was she safe?

Maybe she doesn't trust you anymore, said the little voice inside. Maybe it's all your fault. After all, you couldn't watch over Taylor when she was only a little girl, why should things be different now?

Kurt knew he had to start telling people, his team first. And they had to find a way to bring her back, wherever the hell she had disappeared to. He was not looking forward to the conversation he would have to have with Mayfair, or Zapata and Reade as a matter of fact.

He had started dialing when he saw the car parked in front of the house. Black SUV, government issued for sure. He rushed out.

The tinted window of the back seat opened as he approached, gun already in his hand.

He could not see who was inside yet when he heard:

"Took you long enough. You've been in there forever. Nice of you to finally come out though, some of us have important, hum, things, to get back to. "

Carter leaned out the window and Weller couldn't resist pointing his gun at him.

" Where is she? " Kurt managed to get through his teeth. Carter didn't seem to mind the gun at all, in fact he almost seemed amused.

" Who are you talking about Weller? Taylor Shaw? Or Jane Doe? I am getting confused with all the girls that seem to disappear around you. Ah but for you they are one and the same.

Tell me something Kurt, I can call you Kurt right? I am curious: is that easier for you to think you have lost them both or that you have managed to loose the same girl twice? "

Weller's finger twitched on the trigger. He had an urge to shoot that man like he hadn't had for the longest time. But he had to stay focused.

"Where is she? " He repeated instead.

" She's gone Kurt, She decided CIA suited her best, and really, who could see fault in that logic? "

" I don't believe you. "

"And I don't care. Jane Doe is no longer an FBI asset, in fact as far as you are concerned, Jane Doe doesn't exist anymore. "

"You think the FBI will just let her go? "

"The FBI already did, I am just here because I wanted to be the one to tell you. "

Kurt could not believe this guy! What he was saying made no sense.

" I don't care what you say, I am not going to stop looking for her. "

Carter smirked.

"Last time it took you twenty-five years, I hope for you, you'll be faster this time! "

The window rolled up and the car started to move away.

Weller did not fire his gun, it would not help Jane if he ended up in prison for shooting a CIA scumbag, tempting as it was.

He had to think, and he had to talk to the team. The CIA had resources and a solid head start, if there was any hope to find Jane, they needed to act fast.

* * *

Jane thought she would be left alone in the little bare room she had been showed to by those she now called her jailers. She could not have been more wrong.

First she was asked to change into a hospital gown, then she was escorted to the lab.

She tried to protest, to tell them every test and scan had already be done when she had been brought to the FBI. But no one listened, in fact, people here didn't even seem to hear her. She had never felt more like a lab rat.

The first time, she had still been mostly drugged. She wasn't now. And it seemed Carter had been right about one thing, the CIA would be more thorough than the FBI, they would not draw the line of what they could do, based on her discomfort, or later she would find out, her pain.

Back to her cell, she found the bag she had packed the night before. Someone had gone to the safe house in the end. She changed slowly, sore because of the tests and so tired. There was no windows here, so she had no way to tell the time but it felt like the longest day ever.

She figured he would know by now. Was he angry at her for leaving? For lying to him that morning? Was he just a little bit relieved because now she wasn't his responsibility anymore? He would be free to concentrate on the elements they had. He would be free to focus solely on Taylor again...

Kurt would be free and she would be here. It was the price she had chosen to pay.


	4. Chapter 4

"She's gone."

"She decided the CIA suited her best. "

These words kept repeating themselves in Kurt's head. The same head that threatened to explode under the assault of emotions barging in. Concern first, for Jane, fury towards Carter, self-loathing, and more. You name it, everything was there, even betrayal. He knew he didn't have any right to feel that one, but it didn't make any difference.

Sure, he should have told her about the Isotope test, but her leaving the team, leaving him, was way out of proportion, If what Carter had said was true, which couldn't be. And back to fury...

Weller's phone started ringing while he was still on the sidewalk, trying to process everything. Caller ID said Reade, so he answered.

"Where are you? You need to come back here ASAP. " his teammate almost shouted.

"Reade, Jane..

" I know Jane is gone, but that's not our only concern right now. Guerrero has just been found dead, Kurt. And it was not a heart attack. Someone killed him inside the FBI. All hell's breaking loose here, you need to hurry!"

"I'm on my way. "

How could Reade already know about Jane?

Would that day ever end? He wondered. Yesterday had been such a victory, how could today be so disastrous? He remembered holding Jane's hands on the plane and felt the dread insinuate itself in the image. Would he ever have a chance to be close to her again?

As he maneuvered the car to get back, he prayed he would start getting some answers soon.

* * *

There were always a lot of people at the office. Agents coming and going, assistants and directors, analysts.. But the moment Guerrero had been found on the floor with his throat cut, the place had just become crazy. Every agency was here, trying to put the blame on everyone else before an investigation could even start. Power hungry people recognized that as an opportunity to shine, others just wanted to save their neck. The result was that Mayfair had been battling against everyone for the last hour and not one member of the team had had the opportunity to approach her yet.

Kurt was greeted by a very anxious Reade and a visibly shaken Zapata. Good thing about having been a team so long, they didn't wait a second to start filling him in.

Long story short, while he was in traffic that morning, some papers were delivered personally by Mayfair's superior. These papers emanating from the CIA, stated that in light of the evidence discovered by the Isotope Test, Jane Doe could not be officially recognized as an American citizen, even though that was a possibility. And since Jane Doe herself manifested the will to cooperate with the CIA, she would not be considered an FBI asset anymore. The CIA would assess what needed to be done concerning Jane Doe from now on. In other words, Jane was theirs.

Mayfair had not been happy about it to say the least but the director stood his ground, reminding her that this only concerned the woman herself. They still had the scans of the tattoos and that represented a lot of work. If she was not ok with the new situation, he could easily find another team, and another assistant director, to take on the job.

The director hadn't even bothered to close the door of the office for that part. It was clear for everyone Mayfair had not been given a choice.

She was asking Reade to find Weller and Zapata when the second bomb of the day was delivered as the news of Guerrero's death.

Weller sat down. They had made it official. The CIA and the FBI had agreed, you take the girl, I'll take the scans. He was horrified. He had always known there was a good dose of politics in these organizations, but it had never really bothered him, it had never kept him from doing his job. It had never kept him from a person he cared for.

Zapata was the one to say out loud what everybody thought :

" What do we do now? "

" We find her. "

His colleagues shared a look.

"What if she doesn't want to be found? Shouldn't we focus on Guerrero? "

Kurt knew deep down they had a point but he was still angry at them for stating it.

" So now we believe everything the CIA says? Now we leave members of the team behind? That's the way it's going to be from now on? "

" Calm down Kurt, intervened Reade, you know that's not what she meant."

" I will find her, even if I have to do it on my own. And then, if she looks me in the eye and tells me she prefers to stay at the CIA, only then will I believe it. Are we clear? "

Reade and Zapata nodded.

" As for Guerrero, find out what you can. I don't like the idea that it is so easy to kill a top priority suspect inside this building!"

Weller was still waiting for Mayfair to be out of the storm when Patterson approached him. She seemed even worse than that morning, if possible. She stared at her shoes, took a deep breath before looking up :

" I am so sorry, it's all my fault, if I hadn't taken that tooth.. I never imagined they would.. "

" You only did your job, it was not your fault. " Funny how he could repeat these words he had heard so many times without ever believing them.

"I tried thinking about anything that could lead us to Jane. I put an alert on facial recognition for about everywhere I could, tattoos also of course. I think I might have a sample of her voice somewhere that could be useful too.

Unfortunately she doesn't have a bank account or a cell phone and well, the CIA knows how to keep low, but I am not giving up! "

Kurt was surprised, he had never pegged Patterson for a rule breaker and she was taking big risks going against both the FBI and the CIA's will. He had thought he would have to convince her and here she had already taken matters into her own hands. Maybe it was a good time to suggest something else.

"Maybe trying to find Jane is not the best way to start. Carter knows where she is, we need to monitor him. He might lead us to her. "

Patterson didn't even blink,

"Yes, that makes sense. I don't know how yet, but I will find him, and then we will get back Jane. "

He didn't know what to do except nod. He knew she was trying to convince herself as much as him, but at that moment he didn't have much assurance to give.

He wished he could believe this was going to be easy.

He wished he could believe she was safe with Carter.

He wished he could believe he would find sleep that night.

But wishes, it seemed, didn't usually come true for Kurt Weller.

* * *

They seemed to have completed whatever tests they wanted to do to her because Jane didn't have to put on the hospital gown after the first week, and it had been a long week.

That day they said, since some of her memories could potentially come back, they wanted to try to find some triggers.

They sat her for hours in front of a computer and made her listen to every language on earth, then music, TV, news, anything. It was exhausting, and nothing more they stuffed her head with images and sounds, the more frustrated they seemed to become until they sent her back to her room.

Next day, they said maybe physical stimuli would be more efficient. She didn't like the sound of that. But they only made her use equipment of every kind, and put her on simulation courses : cars, planes, boats. She now knew she could do a lot of things, but she had no more memories than before.

On day three, she waited but no one came. She looked at the walls all day and maybe it was the worse thing they had done to her yet. With so much time to herself, her mind was free to go where it pleased, and it always went to the same place. It went to him.

How could she miss someone so much when they had only known each other for a short time? How could she regret leaving so much and be confident it was the only thing to do at the same time? Would he welcome her if she ever got out of here, the man whose name was tattooed on her back?

The day after, Three men came for her. That was unusual since she had only had one before. And the hospital gown reappeared. She tried asking what it was for, but she got no answer. That much had not changed.

The room she was taken to resembled a hospital room. And the bed had straps. This time she didn't think twice, she started kicking and took down two of the men before the third managed to drug her. They put her on the bed, and a man in lab coat explained, although it was a bit outdated as a procedure, they wanted to try electroshock therapy. Oh not too high he assured, but it was worth a try.

Worth for who she would have asked if not for the gag in her mouth.

Second week ended with as much results as the first one: none. Jane realised if things kept going this way she might not survive week three.

* * *

Author's note: I know I am being terribly cruel to Jane but stay with me a bit longer I promise things will get better, eventually!


	5. Chapter 5

Two weeks. Two weeks since Jane had gone into that elevator and out of his life. And he was slowly going mad. Of course at work he was FBI agent Kurt Weller, focused and in control, but inside he sometimes felt like he had gone back to the ten year old little boy who could do nothing but wait for his friend to come back.

Two weeks is not a long time, he kept saying to himself. Really, she could be on a vacation. Except it was not like he could convince himself she was sunbathing on a beach somewhere, now was it? In fact, if she had been out anywhere, beach or else, they would have known instantly, because Patterson had called in some favors and now satellites were on their side. Apparently geeks stood together in time of need.

So where the hell was she? They had footage of her getting into a car which he now knew belonged to the CIA and not the FBI. Question was, had Jane known? He couldn't even be sure she had gone willingly, and the doubt was certainly not helping him find sleep at nights.

Tracking a CIA vehicle, when you are not supposed to, was not so easy, they found out. That was a dead end. So they focused on Carter. They thought it would be even harder, but surprisingly, no. He didn't hide his movements and he never lead them to Jane. The guy was all over town, and with the Guerrero debacle, even right here! It was getting harder and harder not to strangle the guy, witnesses be damned.

They took the fingerprints off the safe house, but a lot of people had used it before, and following or even questioning every agent that had been there at one point, was not a viable option.

So, since they had no lead to follow, they all came to the same conclusion, they had to go on investigating the tattoos. They had uncovered one black site before, maybe they would bring them to Jane next.

The tattoos had also brought them to Guerrero, but that was the utmost definition of a dead end. Frustrating as it was to admit, whoever had killed him had done a wonderful job at covering his tracks. There was not a shred of evidence. The killer had obviously had had access and enough knowledge of the place to be able to come and go unnoticed, by people or security cameras. His timing had been perfect.

It seemed evident to Weller that he had to have had help from the inside, or that the killer was one of their own. Suffice to say, it was not going to help his trust issues around the office.

So it was down to the four of them: Patterson, Reade, Zapata and himself. Mayfair when they couldn't do otherwise, but he was still convinced something was off with her. She seemed a little bit too at ease with what had happened to Guerrero, despite it being a disaster for bureau credibility. Of course it could just have been that she was relieved to still have a job. Anyway, he could not afford to take chances now.

* * *

Jane was not in the best of shapes when they decided to change her location. They had to help her walk, and she resented her own body for that. She wanted to be able to stand on her own instead of having to lean on the same people responsible for her pain. It seemed she still had pride. They dressed her in dark clothes covering almost all of her tattoos, put a baseball cap on her head and they drove her out.

She could only see the dark sky through the tinted windows of the car but being able to breath fresh night air made her feel better than she had for days.

It was a short time later she started to see the lights, more and more of them. She couldn't believe it, they were taking her back to the city. She would be close, so close!

Her heart started speeding, and the rush of blood it created went immediately to her head, worsening dramatically the headache she seemed to have had forever now. But even that was OK, she was out of that cell, out of that lab, and coming closed to NY by the minute.

She almost laughed when she saw the car slow down the in front of a town house. Really, another safe house? Shouldn't she get a card so that she could collect loyalty points or something? The garage door opened, and inside they went.

She managed to get out by herself, keeping a firm grip on the car door for balance. The garage door closed once again. One of the men took a step towards her so she made herself move before he could reach her. From the garage, she entered a small kitchen and a living room, where she saw Carter. He was there, sitting on a couch like he was waiting for her to offer him a drink! He looked at her as casual as can be:

"Please Jane, take a sit, you look exhausted! " He waited for her to do so, before going on.

"What do you think of your new place? Not bad? " Jane didn't feel the need to answer, her headache was getting worse than ever and she was starting to wonder if she was not dreaming all of this. Maybe they had given her too high a shock and her brain had finally fried.

" I would advise against getting too comfortable though, because you won't stay very long. You are here because we want you to accompany us to a place one of your tattoos seems to point at. It'll be just like you used to do with Weller, only this time you'll be with professionals, and I'm afraid you won't be given a gun. "

Ok, she surely had entered delirium territory, he wanted her to do what?

"You expect me to help you, after you tortured me? "

" Oh don't be dramatic Jane, it doesn't suit you. You were not tortured, merely given the amount of attention I had promised you. Torture is something else entirely, besides the CIA doesn't condone such methods, haven't you heard? "

She heard one of the guards' small laugh.

"It will be a walk in the park. You'll accompany my men to the location, take a look around, see if anything jogs your memory."

"And after that? "

"You will take a plane to go home."

"Home? "

" Sub Saharan Africa, right? Listen Jane, we can't very well keep you here in NY. CIA doesn't have operations in the US, I believe we told you that already.

Of course you could go back to the lab, but I believe you didn't enjoy your first time there very much. "

Jane was drowning. That was it, another choice for her, a windowless cell or a foreign country? All because someone had thought it would be a good idea to erase her memories and tattoo her entire body of crazy clues!

"What if I refuse? "

Carter looked her in the eyes, all trace of humor gone. He was dead serious.

"What we talked about before you joined us could still happen. Have you changed your mind about Weller?

But before you answer that, let me tell you something: the CIA has taken official charge of you, and the FBI didn't fight it. In fact they looked quite glad to let you go. They have bigger fish to fry right now. Weller made quite the impression with the Guerrero arrest, I think I heard the word promotion somewhere. Are you ready to be the cause of his downfall? Do you think he will welcome you back with open arms, once he knows? Especially now that you've left the team willingly once already.

You're being delusional if you think you can refuse. The only thing you have to consider is whether or not you like seeing the sun, in which case I would advocate against going back to the lab. It is my understanding they don't have many windows there.

You will stay here tomorrow, the mission is due the day after. Oh and try to rest and eat something, you don't look so good Jane. "

With that he left. The men stood guard.

He was right, she didn't really have a choice. What a mess!

She went into the bedroom. She sat on the bed but didn't bother putting on the lights. She felt so lost. In ways, it felt worse than waking up in that bag on Time Square. Because she had the memory of the comfort Kurt could provide, and she was denied it.

Before she could realise what she was doing, she had picked up the phone from the night stand. Surprisingly enough there was a tone. Carter was really sure of himself if he had not even bothered to cut the phone line, and that thought finished crushing Jane's hopes.

She battled with herself for a while. She knew it was not a good idea, but it might be her last chance. She wanted to hear his voice one more time if it was the only thing she could get.

It was four in the morning, and she dialed his number.

* * *

Weller had finally gone home after three days at the office. Reade had threatened him to drag him out himself, so he went. He could have argued, but the truth was he needed to try to rest. He had to find a better way to cope or he wouldn't be any help to anyone soon.

It was past two already so he took a quick shower then went to bed. Exhaustion caught up with him and he fell asleep at last.

It seemed he had only closed his eyes for a second when something woke him up. He felt disoriented but his instincts took over and he grabbed the vibrating cell phone off the night stand. No caller ID, at four am, this was never good.

"Weller. " He answered. There was only silence at the other end of the line.

"Hello? " Still nothing. By now wide awake, heart racing, Kurt knew this was it. This was what he had been waiting two weeks for.

"Jane? Jane, is that you? Talk to me, please. " He begged her.

Jane's breath caught in her throat. She had not expected that. She didn't know what she had expected in fact. This had been a terrible idea, she should never have called but now that she heard him, he seemed so close, she couldn't make herself hang up.

"Jane, where are you? Are you OK? Tell me where you are, I will come get you right now. "

More silence, but he could hear her breathing. He was getting desperate. If only he could see her eyes. Those eyes haunted him day and night. Why couldn't he reach her? She had made the call, was he supposed to do something more? This was torture.

He didn't know what else to say so he repeated, almost whispering

"Talk to me Jane, please. "

He sounded as heartbroken as she felt and that pushed her over the edge. Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks when she finally whispered to him the only thing she could.

"I am sorry. " Then she hung up.


	6. Chapter 6

She couldn't stop shaking. The phone was still in her hand, it would soon fall if she didn't put it down. Yet she only kept staring at it.

Suddenly she felt sick. She barely made it to the small bathroom before she was emptying her stomach in the toilets. Stress, guilt and grief was not a good combination for her, she thought.

A few minutes later she was standing in the shower, relieved that now she couldn't know if the moisture she felt, was from the tears or not. Her mind kept replaying the pretty much one sided conversation over and over. "Talk to me". "Where are you?" "I'll come get you right now". Temptation at its finest. Carter had been right, she hadn't know the definition of torture before. How had she found the strength to resist his offer, was a mystery to her, when everything she was, screamed at her to grab that chance. She knew for certain she would not be able to, a second time. So when Jane finally lied in another strange bed as the sun began to rise, she prayed she wouldn't have to.

* * *

Kurt Weller was a multi-tasker. He had always been. So it was no surprise that he found himself already dressed before he had finished calling Patterson. And it had been a brief conversation, basically telling her to come back to the office right away and hanging up.

He hoped her phone call would lead him to Jane. He refused to even consider it could not. Sure he wondered why she hadn't answered him about her location, but it didn't matter in the end. She had called, and she needed him. When she had finally spoken, it had been like a punch to his stomach. She had sounded so small, and lost. This was not the voice of the Jane that demanded not to be left in the car. This voice didn't come from the Jane who defended a battered wife. This meant he had been right all along, he had to find her.

Thank God Patterson lived closer to the office than he did, because he was not in the mood for waiting. He saw her with Reade, whom he had called from the car. Zapata had been next and she entered the room by the time he was starting to explain why they were all here at half past five in the morning. He could have waited to see if Patterson would find a way to locate Jane before he called them, but they were a team and he wanted everyone involved. The fact that none of them resented him for the early wake up call reminded him he was not the only one to care.

First thing first they tried to trace the call. They hit roadblock after roadblock. The CIA knew how to do its job. Patterson refused to give up. She said she was making progress, and she might be able to succeed, even though it would be a long process. Since none of them had enough computer knowledge to help her, Zapata, Reade and Weller were left with no other choice but to leave her to it.

They sat and watched FBI employees arrive slowly as the day really begun. Each of them had the same thought on their mind : that with every minute gone by, there was a bigger chance Jane would be gone by the time they found the origin of the call. None of them voiced it.

* * *

Someone dumped something on the pillow closest to her, jostling her awake. No, not someone, Carter. She had trouble processing what was happening, sleep still clung to her.

She wondered what time it was, it felt like she had only slept for a minute.

" Get dressed, we need to go. " Carter said, pointing at the bed.

Jane was appalled that he could have surprised her like that. She was usually a light sleeper. She should have been awakened the minute he had entered the room, not wait until he had thrown her own clothes at her head.

" I thought you said I would stay here today. " She inquired.

" Change of plans. We're moving out now, so hurry up. " He turned and left her alone.

A few minutes later she found herself in the car with her two guards and the CIA director. For once he was silent, which suited her just fine. She had no desire to hear more of his sarcasm after only sleeping what? One hour and a half? She took a look at the clock on the dashboard. Seven am. It had indeed been a short night.

They drove for a bit until they reached their destination. A warehouse, how original, she thought. She waited as the three men put on vests and armed themselves. She turned her head towards the morning sun. She had not put on the cap and closing her eyes, she let herself enjoy the warmth it procured. She could have insisted they give her a gun, but she knew it would have been futile and she didn't have the energy for a hopeless battle.

* * *

Patterson nearly had a heart attack. At least it felt like it. She had been working for a while on the trace, completely absorbed in her task, when her computer began screaming. She didn't understand what was happening at first, until she remembered she was the one to blame. When Jane had gone missing, she had wanted to be sure not to loose any time in case something came up, so she had set up an alarm.

She stared at the screen. It showed a satellite picture of Jane, her face unmistakable. It was not good quality but you could definitely recognize her.

She heard movement and suddenly Weller was at her side. He looked at the screen in awe.

"You found her! Do you know where she called from? Is she still there? When was that taken? "

Patterson realised he thought she had pulled a picture from the address of the call.

"No, you don't understand. This was not me, this is satellite feed. " He kept looking at the screen.

"Kurt, this is live! We know where she is, right now! "

Another voice interrupted before he could say anything.

"And she is not alone, Carter is there too." observed Mayfair.

Weller didn't really know what to expect from her. Would she tell him to stay put? Because there was no chance in hell of that happening.

" Patterson, send us the address. Weller, Let's go. " Mayfair had not finished her sentence before he was rushing out, Reade and Zapata on his heels.

* * *

Carter lead Jane into the building through a side door. There were unopened crates here and there. She vaguely wondered what they could contain, but not enough to ask. They went further inside. Every few steps they stopped and listened. It seemed obvious to her, Carter and his men were expecting company. They took some stairs towards what she thought might be offices then abruptly stopped.

Carter turned towards her:

"Well? Do you remember this place? "

She couldn't believe him, he expected her to perform on demand like a circus dog!

"Something I am looking for, is in one of these rooms. The fact that your tattoo was linked to this place only confirmed what I suspected for a while. That it is here. I can't very well go knocking on every door here. So I need you to lead the way. "

That guy was delusional, it was the only explanation she could come up with.

"I don't remember anything about this place. " She said.

He grabbed her arm.

" Listen Honey, there are gun traffickers slowly emptying that warehouse downstairs. Tomorrow this place will be useless. And then so will you, understood? "

He would never listen to reason. She needed to buy some time.

"I need to see more, maybe when I get close, something will come back. "

Carter frowned at her but began moving again.

Jane's heart was racing in her chest. Every corner could reveal a gunman, every door they opened could be their last. It felt like they had been here forever. She was tired and her headache was back with a vengeance.

After a few more minutes, their luck finally ran out. The took the wrong turn that left them right in front four men, heavily armed. All hell broke loose.

Shots were being fired from everywhere and Jane had no protection. Her instincts took over, she opened the first door she could find and dove inside. It left her in some sort of a corridor. She ran to the other side, threw the door open and ran right into a man's chest. She had no choice, she had to fight now. She threw back her arm as far as she could, preparing to punch the guy and looked up at his face. Then her whole world stopped.

Kurt's eyes were staring down at her.

* * *

 _Author's note: First, congratulations to all of you for staying with me until now! This chapter gave me a hard time, and I am not entirely satisfied with it. Apparently I am more inspired when it comes to torturing Jane and Kurt, then when I want to give them a break! :P_

 _Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to post a review. I truly appreciate it._


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt's body reacted before his mind did. A pretty good thing considering gunshots could still be heard not far from them and his brain seemed to need a reboot. Information overload, you could call it: being unexpectedly tackled full force only to realise his attacker was the very person he had been trying to find, had been too much to process.

He crushed Jane to his chest and locked his arms around her. Was he trying to prevent her from going away or trying to regain a bit of his sanity by forcing himself to cut eye contact? A little bit of both probably.

He noticed she was shaking as she, too, circled her arms around him. "Oh God, you shouldn't be here." She whispered so low he almost didn't hear her. But she didn't push him away. Quite the opposite, the woman pressed even more against him until he was sure the both of them could feel the other's heartbeat thump irregularly.

He released her just enough to look at her. He promised himself it would only be for a minute, but he needed this. Weller needed to reassure himself she was real.

He took her hands in his because the urge was irresistible. This meant something special for them, touching hands. Always had, right from the beginning.

The bruises on her wrists were not something he could afford to dwell on, so he went on looking at the rest of her. Symmetrical injuries now stained her temples, he thought they might be burns and that sent shivers down his spine. She was deathly pale which made her tattoos stand out even more than usual, as did her eyes when he finally reached them again.

At that moment, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

The sound of hurried footsteps nearby startled them both.

"We need to go. " Weller said, tugging on the hand he still held in his own. He took a step forward, expecting her to do the same but she didn't move.

"I can't go with you. " She breathed, looking at the ground.

Jane felt him release her and she exhaled in relief. Then he surprised her by putting both his palms on her neck. He brought his face so close to her, they had to share the same breath.

"I am not going anywhere without you. We are in this together, remember? "He simply said, his resolve so strong it was impossible to fight.

She felt the last of her will break, and she let him lead her away.

* * *

As they ran, Kurt activated his earpiece. He informed the team he had found Jane and told them to get out of the warehouse. They would meet outside once they were safe. Reade and Zapata were the only one to answer.

They had reached the top of some stairs and started going down. Weller was going to try to contact Mayfair again when he heard her voice coming from downstairs, still out of his sight.

"I asked you to leave Jane alone. You should have listened to me, I would have handled the situation. "

"Like you handled Guerrero? Please!" Kurt recognized Carter's voice.

"You had your chance, you blew it. I decided to take matters in my own hands. You're welcome by the way. "

" You expect me to thank you for having him killed while in my custody? "

" You should be thanking me for removing a liability that could have cost us everything. But no, I don't expect you to. I know you're too weak for that.I can't stand liabilities, and I can't stand weak people either. You strike out dear."

Weller and Jane were practically flying down the stairs at that time but the shots were fired before they could prevent it. Mayfair hit the floor, her gun falling on the concrete. Carter disappeared out some door.

Kurt kneeled by Mayfair's side. She was losing blood but he didn't exactly know where from. "I'll be OK." She said.

"Are you sure? " he asked.

"Yes, go after him! " He hesitated, until Jane said she would stay with the woman. Then he started running.

Jane looked at Mayfair in shock. She was so tired, it felt like everything was surreal. She wasn't sure she had heard right. So she asked.

"Guerrero's dead? "

Mayfair raised an eyebrow in surprise. She didn't expect that to be Jane's first question.

"Yes, he was murdered the same day you left the Bureau. "

Jane's knees gave out under her, putting her beside the other woman. They looked at each other. One was bleeding, one was bruised. Both suffering because of the same man.

Of course Carter had lied, Jane thought. He had fed her well rehearsed lines and she had bought them all. He had found her one weakness and exploited it as best he could.

She wondered if it had been the same for Mayfair.

"Are you really OK? Can you move? " Jane inquired.

" We shouldn't stay here. We haven't seen anyone in a while but it doesn't mean the traffickers can't come back. "

She helped Mayfair to her feet and picked up her gun. The woman had taken one bullet to the chest, stopped by her vest. The second one had entered below the shoulder and was the cause of the bleeding. They left quickly in the direction Carter and Weller had used.

* * *

Kurt's steps resonated on the warehouse floor as he gave chase to Carter. The guy had not much of a head start and he too, was making too much noise to be able to disappear. Weller knew he was faster, very soon he had the other man in front of him.

"Stop! " he yelled, pointing his gun at the CIA director.

"Take one more step and I'll put a bullet in your brain. "

Carter complied and turned towards Weller.

"Agent Weller, funny meeting you here. " He said.

" You came to get your girlfriend back? Sorry if you find her a bit worse for wear."

Kurt gritted his teeth.

"But maybe you like her this way? Vulnerable, in need of a hero. After all, you've waited a long time to be able to save someone. "

"Shut up! Drop your gun, get on your knees. " ordered the FBI agent, barely resisting the urge to inflict as much pain as possible to the bastard. The faster he would restrain him, the faster he could be rid of him.

"I could see the appeal, but she really is too naive for my taste. I mean, convincing her to come to me was as easy as stealing candy from a baby."

"I said, on your knees. "

Carter dumped his gun and put one knee on the floor, he was not done talking though.

"Of course, I had help from you. Really Kurt, that isotope business, you made a mess with that! You should have seen the look on her face when I told her! Are you afraid now she will always wonder what you're keeping from her? "

Weller moved behind Carter to put handcuffs on him. It was too late though, when he realised he had been too eager to do so. The other man was now in the right position to reach for a second handgun strapped against his ankle.

Kurt rolled to the floor and heard the shot.

He waited to feel the pain, nothing. He opened his eyes and saw Carter's body, motionless.

Jane stood a few feet away, Mayfair's gun in her hand. She had just put a bullet in Carter's head and saved his life.

* * *

That was one shot she would not lose sleep over, Jane thought. If only the ringing in her ears could stop though, she would really appreciate it.

Reade and Zapata had apparently called in the cavalry because Weller, Mayfair and herself were met outside by sirens of all sorts. Mayfair was directed to the nearest ambulance and Weller instantly assaulted by people who wanted to know what had happened and what they were supposed to do.

So Jane moved a bit away from them and sat sideways on the passenger seat of a FBI SUV. Door opened, she could see all of them running around, she put her head against the headrest and closed her eyes.

Kurt had seen Jane move towards the car, and kept an eye on her while he answered questions. After a moment, he let Reade handle the situation and walked towards her. She looked exhausted. He felt bad for waking her up so he said softly:

"Jane, I need to check on Mayfair and then we can get out of here, OK? "

She didn't answer. He tried a bit louder.

"Jane? "

This time, when she didn't react, he knew something wasn't right. He tried shaking her but it only confirmed she was not asleep. She had lost consciousness.

He felt a panic like he never had, not even a few minutes before when he had thought Carter would shoot him dead.

Her pulse was weak on her neck when he tried to find it. He screamed and screamed until medics were at his side.

* * *

It was difficult to remember exactly what happened after that. It was all a blur. They threw her on a gurney and he stayed with her until they reached the hospital. "Had she been in an accident?" They asked. "What had caused the burns on her temples? "

He had no answers for them.

The medics spoke of head injury, severe bleeding, subdural hematoma. Then they rushed her into surgery. All he could do was wait while she fought for her life.

That feeling of helplessness was killing him. He couldn't lose her now. He should have found her sooner, he should never have let her go in the first place. And even after that, he had seen how pale she was, he should have known something was wrong.

* * *

Jane woke up in a hospital room. She didn't need to open her eyes to know that. The sounds, the smells, she recognized them all too well. If she had had to make a list of the places she hated most, this would be her top choice. Safe houses would come second.

She couldn't remember why she was here. Her last memory was of the sound of the gun when she had shot Carter and that awful ringing in her ears. Had she missed? Did he fire back at her?

She tried to discover where she was hurting. No, nothing major, tired and sore but no pain. In fact she felt better then she had in weeks. And lighter too, now that her headache was finally gone. She would have to remember to ask what pain killer they had given her.

In the end she looked around the bed was in the middle of it and partly laying against her, partly sitting in a chair was Kurt Weller.

That position could not possibly be comfortable, yet he was fast asleep. He had one of her hands trapped beneath his, so she took the opportunity to run the other one through his hair. When it didn't wake him up, she did it again and again. The motion both soothing and intimate.

God she had missed him.

When she had run into him in the warehouse, it had been both heaven and hell. She had been handed everything she wanted while knowing she couldn't keep it. He had looked at her so intensely she had felt it like a touch.

Jane turned her head towards the door when she heard it move. Mayfair entered the room. Her cast and bandages reminded Jane she had also been injured.

The black woman didn't take a seat. She stood near Jane's bed and said softly :

"He hasn't left since you went into surgery you know. That was three days ago. " Jane kept her hand on Kurt's neck.

"We didn't even try to convince him to rest, it would have been pointless. But now that you are awake, he'll be alright. " Jane didn't know how to answer that so she kept silent.

"I need to talk to you about Daylight. About Carter. "

Jane interrupted her this time.

"I would prefer not to. I guess you know Carter gave me a file to read. I don't know if everything in it was true or if it was all a lie, but Guerrero is dead, Carter is dead, and I don't want to hear your answers. What I want is for you to sort things out with the CIA so that I can come back to the FBI." Mayfair nodded

"That should not be a problem. After the embarrassment Carter caused them, they will just want everything to go away, including you. "

" Good. "

Mayfair headed for the door. Just before she crossed it, Jane added

"You owe me now. "

* * *

He hadn't felt this way in forever. Warm and relaxed. A wonderful sensation. He didn't want it to stop. So when he felt the caress of a hand on his head, Kurt leaned into it like a cat would have. Then the fog of sleep dispersed some and he opened his eyes.

The first thing he saw was her face. Jane was awake, looking and smiling at him. If it was a dream, he never wanted it to stop.

" Hey " was all she said, so he answered

" Hey"

He straightened in the chair and she took back her hand from his hair. He felt the loss instantly, so he grabbed it, needing the contact.

"How are you feeling? " he asked

"I am fine, I am sorry I scared you. "

This sentence had so many different levels of meaning. He saw in her eyes she meant not only the surgery, but her disappearance, the phone call, everything.

He knew they would have to have a long conversation, but now was not the time. He wanted to enjoy knowing they were both safe and together.

One thing he had to say though

"I am sorry I didn't tell you about the Isotope test. I know you must have felt betrayed, but I need you to know you can trust me. I will never... "

She stopped him by shaking her head and turning her hands to enclose his.

"I didn't leave because of the test."

" Then why? "

She couldn't meet his gaze. The last time she had bared her soul to him, he had rejected her. And that had been before all of that. But she owed him the truth so she said

"I left because I couldn't stand for you to suffer because of me. "

Of all the answers he had imagined, this one had never crossed his mind.

When she didn't elaborate further, he decided to start being honest with himself and with her.

He made her raise her head and once their eyes were locked, he kissed her hands and answered.

" Whatever happens, whatever the situation, know that I will never suffer as much as if you are not a part of my life anymore. "

* * *

 _Author's note : That's it everyone. This was the last chapter. I hope you are not disappointed. I know some of you probably hoped for a longer talk between Kurt_ and _Jane about what happened when she was at the hands of the CIA but this ending kind of wrote itself!_

 _Once again thank you all for reading. Don't hesitate to review, each and every one of your messages makes my day!_


	8. Thoughts

_Author's thoughts and notes :_

 _I imagine you expected another chapter, I hope you will forgive me for posting this. The truth is, I wanted to write another story, but I found out I don't have it in me right now._

 _A few days ago, some men attacked my city, my home and killed people who could have been my friends, my family, me. These events profoundly wounded me, saddened me to the point that I find myself totally drained._

 _I will have to find ways to fill the void. At this moment I could choose rage, fear or sorrow, but I would have to use a lot of these, for the empty space inside of me feels endless. Instead I want to use love and hope, but it might take some time._

 _I needed to post these words, in order to let them go, so that others may come and form stories again._

 _To all of you out there, who are reading this: if you ever enjoyed music, went to a concert or a restaurant with some friends, took a walk in the street of your city on a Friday night or any other night, then know that I love you._

 _My name is Emilie, I am 32, I live in Paris, and I love you._


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